Feels like a lie.

Why does it seem every time he says "you're beautiful" it seems like a mean and viscous lie. Is it a lie or is it that I'm too fucked up to realize the truth. What is real? Why is this seem so real but I feel so down and can't believe it? Why does this cruel world have to mess with me to this existent.

Back again

I know it has been forever since I posted anything. A lot has been going on but to let anyone who reads this know life isn't all fun and games I have a lot to do before I can really post more like I use to. Take care to all may your eyes open to the real world we live in.

Change

I have changed since the last time I was here. The sweet cuteness is out the door and the real me will shine right on through. I have a front for people who don't know me or for my family. No one but me seen who I really am. Most will never know but here I come. better be prepared because it will not be pretty.

Long time

It has been a long time since I had posted anything.   I moved out of my parent's place and now living with my boyfriend we had gotten an apartment and we love it here and able to see each other all the time. I have an ok job.  Life is going pretty good I miss my family but I do see them once in a while. But I live an hour away from them so it is harder to go and visit.
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Rants

These are a few rants I had resently. The first one is about a nanny abusing a 11 month old baby. the second one is about a mother killing her two little boys.  The third is about kids killing them selves over bullies.
Rant 1: My mom showed me a video of a nanny caught on a camera beating a 11 month old. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!! Why hurt a child a baby. Why that is BS and so wrong she is in jail and I hope she gets the max sentences she can for what she did.
Rant 2:  I been seeing on the news that this mother of two little boys had killed them. my first reaction was "what the Hell is wrong with these mothers killing their kids." which is true what is wrong with a woman that thinks that is Ok to kill your kid(s) just because they now don't want them, can afford to take. If you know you can't or don't want to take care of your kids there are many other options then killing them. Call social services and they will find that kid(s) a great and loving home where someone will love to take care of them. Never kill them! that is wrong and now they are getting trailed for this crimes.
Rant 3:  How can we just stand by and let these young kids kill them selves? It hurts me to see young kids that have their lives ahead of them but could never get there because they are being bullied.  I was bullied and I came home every day crying because of it it got to the point where I thought of it but knew I could not do it because I thought of my family and my self even though I was so depressed I found other ways to ecape from it for example music i got into my music listening and singing music and I can say one band saved my life really MCR (My Chemical Romance) and then I found a cyber high school that I could go to and not have to deal with these bullies.  Now I love my school, I love to learn, and I am getting a better education.  I no longer get bullied, even if I come across the bullies of my past I can look at them smile and walk away even if they try to bully me because I know in my head and my heart that they are sad and feel bad about them selves and have no real life of their own to be happy with so they want others to feel like them.  I know now that I turned out to be a better person they they are since they will always be a bully. But I will never be the victum ever again.  I found an organizeation that is all about music and help others from hurting them selves and all that.  If you want to know more about it go to http://www.twloha.com/  TWLOHA stands for To write Love On Her Arms.  I also stared a facebook group that is against bullying called "Don't Bully Me" if you need help and your being bullied and have no where to turn check out that site and the group or contact me and I will try to help you the best I can.  Let's us (everyone in the world) put a stop to something that is killing the young and robing them of a future.  Here is a little poem type thing I wrote for my group to help send out a message to them.
Let no one put us down because our hearts are stong together. We the people with the bigest hearts shall not be harmed anymore. Who thought they had no friends to help them fight, has now gotten many to fight beside them. Let no one take our voices for our voices are loud and will become louder. Let us put an end to the deaths.
It is not too late to fight.
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College

I am trying to get into college and doing very well for myself about finishing high school and knowing where and what I want to do after high school which would be going to college.  I been accepted to a college I want to attend but the down side to it is there is someone important to me that isn't too supportive as I would like them to be everyone else that I told what I'm doing is supper proud of me.  Not to many expect me to be doing so well in my life.  But it is hard when someone important isn't as proud or supportive to the situation.  I still going to do my own thing but not sure if I can turn to that person about college any more.  I'm glade my boyfriend is as supportive as he is and how he is proud of me I'm glade I have him to help me though this.
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Family

Family, what is it to say about family... family is everything.  To me that is all I had is my family we were really close to each other most of my family are still really close.  I love my family.  I wanted to post about why you should not be like some people 'family is not the most important thing to me'  well most who say, think, or anything close to that I think are wrong.  Family gives you support when no one else believes in you, they stick by you no matter what.  So if you are not in good terms with any part of your family, fix it.  Some of my family I tell them my goals some doubted me in some things I was doing but I proved to them I did it and was successful doing it which I know they only doubted me for the reason that they care about me and don't want to see me do something I can't do or think I can't do.  I have my families back and they have mine.  So if you want that support that no one is giving you and your feeling like no one cares look at your family things they may do or say maybe because they love you.  So like I said fix your family relationship if your not in good terms, family will always be there for you when everyone else walks away. Family could be anything really relatives or even people your so close to they could be related to you don't though it away.
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(I know I've been all over the place with my post but all my post are related to the day that I post or what I'm feeling or what I'm going though but I will be putting some of my rants on here about things I feel strong about.)